The Reason
by Space Oddity
Summary: There are a lot of things I wish hadn’t happened in my lifetime, but meeting Hermione Granger wasn’t one of them.


**XXX**

**I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning**

There are a lot of things I wish hadn't happened in my lifetime, but meeting Hermione Granger wasn't one of them. She was the one thing I will never regret.

My father was a Death-Eater, second best in the Dark Arts to only Voldemort himself. I think that in and of itself states how I was raised as a child. I was brought up learning how to curse people, how to kill them. I could perform a successful _Avada Kedavra_ by the time I was 8. My father insisted that I knew these things, that way I could be the top of my class when the time arrived for me to go to Durmstrang. Oh yes, that is where he wanted me to go, but my mother put her foot down there, and said that I was going to Hogwarts, and that was the end of that. My father agreed reluctantly, still expecting me to be the best of my class. Little did he know that a certain mudblood would beat me in everything but flying, and then there I would be outstripped by her best mate, Potter. The girl I was destined to fall in love with.

**I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know  
I've found a reason for me**

If I hadn't been brought up the way I had been, maybe I would have seen past the fact that Granger was a mudblood sooner. But I didn't, because my dear father was Voldemort's right hand man and I was expected to join them soon.

When I look back to all the times that I made fun of Hermione and her two mates, I am absolutely amazed that she even still talked to me at all. But that's one of the reason's I love her so much. She gives people multiple different chances to prove themselves. Still, I'm glad that I realized everything in time, before things got to out of hand. Before I reached the point that nobody would have been able to bring me back from, not even my dearest Hermione.

I started to have doubts about my, _family_, during the Quidditch World Cup, when those Death-Eaters were torturing the muggles. Potter hit the nail right on the head when he asked me if my father was out there torturing those people. That struck home, but what really got me was how Potter and Weasel stood up for Hermione, even though if they were found, she would be tortured like the others. They stood by her.

None of my so-called friends from Slytherin would ever do that. They would have run and hid themselves, gotten themselves away from the danger, even if it meant that somebody else they knew was harmed. Even if they could have helped, they wouldn't. They would turn tail and run. Those cowards.

**To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you**

I never would have guessed that the person who would change my life would be somebody I had grown up hating. If my father was still alive he would have disowned me the first second he could. Lucky for me that he was killed along with Voldemort. I guess being Voldemort's right hand man had some play in that. Oh well. It's not like I miss him.

Sorry, I got a little side-tracked there. So I was saying how I never thought that some mudblood like Hermione would ever be able to change my life. Ha, how wrong I was. And it wasn't until it was too late that I realized it. That makes me regret all that I said and did even more.

Moving on. How, you may ask, exactly did Hermione change my life? Well for starters she never let me think that the world revolved around me. She never passed up a chance to prove to me that I was just as human as all the rest of them. I was constantly boasting about things my father had bought me, things that I had done with the Death-Eaters, etc... Every time that she heard me talking of these things, she made sure to put me in my place. After I started talking civilly to her, the times where she had to do it grew less and less, as I became more human in her presence.

I saw more and more as time went on why she was on the side of Dumbledore, and so bluntly refused to even consider joining the Dark side. There was a sense of being wanted here. People would stand up for you, even if it got them in trouble. I learned this one day, when Potter stood up for me when I was being wrongly accused of being a spy. At first I was shocked, and disgusted that The-Boy-Who-Lived had just stood up for me, but later on I was grateful. I even went up to Potter and thanked him. He looked at me, and said, "Don't expect it to happen often Malfoy." But then it did happen again. And again. And then eventually me and Potter developed a friendship. And the Weasel became part of it as well, getting over his initial obvious distrust of me.

And now I'm rambling again. And if you haven't got it already, the point of this ramble was to say how much I owed Hermione. If she hadn't become a part of my life, I would most likely be dead. But now instead... Well, we'll get to that later.

**I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday**

That is something I will never be able to forget, or forgive myself for. Hurting my dear, sweet Hermione, even at the end of it all. You must understand that I didn't want to, and that it was absolutely necessary. It hurts to even think about, these long months later. I feel like I betrayed her, destroyed her. But then again, I did. I told her she would be safe, that I would never let anything happen to her... and then... and then... God I can't talk about what happened then right now. I'll tell you later, I promise.

I have to live with that betrayal every waking moment of the rest of my life. And I'm only 18. Every night I am haunted by vivid recollections of... that night. I cannot sleep without my dreamless sleep potion, which is provided by my dear friend and confidant Severus. Yes, the Potions Master at Hogwarts. By the end, even Hermione and the duo learned to trust Snape. That, I can say truthfully, is in part due to my intervention. I convinced the Golden Trio that Severus was indeed trustworthy, as he had been my confidant for many years beforehand. It took awhile, but the oh-so-thickheaded ones (Harry and Ron) finally accepted this fact as truth. It made life a little bit easier on me, and on the Potions Master. Yes, Hogwarts was still standing; in fact, it was one of the only main buildings standing now, after the war. Credit for this can be given to the head master, Albus Dumbledore. He was the only reason that the school had not been touched at all during the few weeks that the war had raged. He had even tried to stop a few students from leaving (i.e. death-eaters children, and the trio,) but in the end he let them go, thinking it was the best. Oh, how little did he really know. But you still have to give him credit. Only a very minimal percentage of the students were even harmed, let alone... killed. We're almost up to the war. I can feel that you grow impatient, and I too, grow uneasy putting it off this long.

  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears

Oh Hermione. If only you were hear right now to hear me talking. How you would laugh at me, and tell me that I was just being my pessimistic self.

A few months ago I felt like I could conquer the world, if only you stayed at my side. We all felt that we were powerful enough to overcome the obstacles that were about to be thrown our way. How little we all knew.

The war started like any in the magical world had ever. Voldemort tried to attack Dumbledore, determined to bring down the only one he thought could defeat him. He was so power drunk, he did not realize that there was one other. One other who's strength at least equaled his own. That one was Harry Potter. So getting back to the war, Voldemort tried to break into Hogwarts in order to harm Dumbledore. To say the least, he didn't succeed. Hogwarts was to heavily protected, she had developed a mind of her own after having Dumbledore as the headmaster. She was linked to him, as she was linked to every student and teacher inside the castle. She knew friend from foe, and it was our dear Hogwarts that saved us all that night. She refused any magic to occur form outside the castle gates, so Voldemort was unable to do anything to harm the castle or anybody inside of it.

There were many other minor battles between Aurors and Death-Eaters after that initial attack. Hell, I was there for many of them. I killed my own share of people during the war. I'm getting sidetracked again.

The last night of the war, I was with Hermione in a secret room we had discovered a few months again. It was our 2 month anniversary of being a couple, and I had had the room decorated for the occasion. As we were eating, and owl found it's way to the window, and started tapping against it urgently. I smiled softly at Hermione, and went to open the window. My heart chilled as a grey eagle-owl flew into the room and dropped a letter in front of my feet. It hooted, and then flew out of the room again. I bent down, picked up the letter and opened it. As I read it, my worst fears were confirmed. I knew instantly what I had to do. I breathed in deeply, and then turned around, the sneer back on my face.

When Hermione saw my face, her own paled. I had not looked at her like that in... eons. "Hey mudblood, have you had fun these last two months?" I asked her in the traditional Malfoy drawl. "Draco... What's wrong?" she asked as she stood up and made to come over by me. "Don't come near me, _Granger_. I don't want to be contaminated anymore by your filthy mudblood hands. Never come near me again. Have a nice life." I said, with a smirk on my face. I watched as she grabbed onto a chair for support, her brown eyes first growing wide, and then I watched as the tears fell down her soft cheeks. Her knees gave out, and she fell to the floor. I walked over to the door, and as I walked out, I heard her whisper, "Draco... why?"

That is the night that I shall regret for the rest of my life. I will leave a copy of the letter I received with you, and you can put it at the end of this... book, memoir, whatever you call it. I made my way to my dorm, silently praying that Hogwarts would protect my Hermione, and that she wouldn't do anything stupid and rash and... _Gryffindor_ and leave the school. I gathered my wand, cloak and everything else I needed, and left the school grounds.

The rest of the night was a blur as I killed countless people. At one point I remember seeing Potter making his way through the now-graveyard field, trying to find He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. When I saw him I prayed for all that I was worth that Hermione, my dear, sweet Hermione, had not accompanied him. In my heart, I knew better. I forgot about him after a while, glad that I wasn't forced to duel him, as I would feel infinitely guilty if I had hurt him in any way, for Potter had become a good friend.

The night froze the moment I saw Hermione on the battlefield. She caught my eye, and her eyes widened. Her lips parted, and I could see her mouth forming my name. I fought my way over to her, and as I neared her, I opened my mouth to shout a warning, because I saw a Death-Eater standing behind my sweet angel. She didn't hear the warning though, and a curse was cast at her. I was forced to watch as my Hermione fell to the ground, victim to some curse. I found her on the field a few moment later, and held her in my arms. "Shh... It's okay Hermione... It's all okay. You'll be okay, I'm going to take you to get help now. I love you, Hermione, remember that, always." Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of my voice, and she opened her mouth, "Draco... why?" Tears once again filled her chocolate eyes, and I muttered into her ear, "I'm so sorry Hermione... There's no time now, just remember that I love you." Her eyes fell closed, and her last words to me were, "I love you too, my dragon."

After that, I remember no more then that I clutched her body, and pulled out my wand. I am told that I was mistaken for a madman that night, for I rampaged throughout the battlefield, and killed countless death-eaters. I am told that I murdered my own parents. I do not remember any of it.

I awoke in the hospital wing, and the first words out of my mouth were, "Where's Hermione?" Dumbledore smiled down at me sadly, and said, "Ms. Granger is at her parents' house. Preparations for her funeral are being made. I am sorry Mr. Malfoy."

I shook my head. Hermione could not be dead. Then memories of the night flowed back into my head, and I closed my eyes, fighting down the tears. The twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes disappeared. "I am going to tell Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley that you are awake. They have been most anxious."

  
That's why I need you to hear  
**I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you**

So, Hermione, if you can hear me now, I am sorry. I am so sorry that I said those things to you that night, I am sorry for everything that I ever did to you. I am not sorry though, that you came into my life. It is because of you that I am who I am today, and I will remember you for the rest of my life, my dear, sweet Hermione. I want to thank you. And let you know, if you already don't, that I love you so much, and that I always will.

_Enclosed is a letter from Lucius Malfoy to Draco Malfoy, dated the last night of the Great War:_

_My son,_

_I have heard rumours that you have been seeing a young girl of questionable heritage. I have no doubt that these rumours are false, and I want to remind you that if you ever were caught fraternizing with somebody of that sort, you would be most severely punished, and she/and or he would instantly be killed. _

_In other news, please meet me at the manor tonight at 11:30 pm. The final battle of this liberating war is upon us, my son, and I wish you to stand beside me as we destroy the muggle-loving fool and all of his followers. I expect you to be punctual, as you are a Malfoy. I shall see you then._

_Lucius_

...**The reason is you...**

**XXX**

**A/N:** What did you think? hides Please review, it's really inspiring to see that people actually enjoy reading this, or if you have anything at all to say about the fic, positive, or negative, I want to hear it. I'm trying to get my other fics back on track, but I seem to have a huge writers block for all of them, but I hope to have new chapters out for all of them soon. So please please review, and thanks for reading my story!! Btw, the song in this fic is "The Reason" by Hoobastank. 


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